this seat's saved for stupidity

People on the bus never let you down. Riding the ttc is like a constant reality show - only unlike other reality shows, this one consists of events that actually happen in reality [especially fear factor, when was the last time you sat down and ate a scrotum... on second thought, don't answer that]. This is an REAL conversation heard recently on the bus on the way to York; remember these were university students, not Jr. Highs.

Girl1: I think I might be Jewish.
Girl2: That's cool, why?
Girl1: (Being serious) Because I really don't like pork.
Girl2: I've been thinking that too, I never mix meat and dairy - maintaining Lavitical dietary law is da bomb!

Okay, So Girl2's last line might have been altered in my memory out of bewilderment at Girl1's thinking that her preference for meat might somehow designate her a member God's chosen people. What was really shocking (okay, I'm actually not THAT surprised) was Girl2's real reaction - it was a complete change of topic, to something to the effect of how great Girl1's new shoes are. Shalom.

Out of the old [testament] and in with the new. Ladies, I've been noticing that you've been showing a lot more ankle than Jesus wants you to. Please immediately go here and purchase a fabulous new wardrobe made by a "truly custom clothing sewing seamstress". After looking at the website you can see that your new dresses [and modest bathing suits?!?] will do more than just cover your dirty-wretched-sinful body [promising that you'll "enjoy the peace that comes with knowing you are dressed pleasing to God"], but that you'll be so modest and shape-ambiguous that you'll never have to worry about attracting those pesky man-folk ever again! As a final note, I have to point out that I think there's no coincidence between the need for a "majestic size” and the need for [thankfully modest] custom clothing. For ensuring that Christian men everywhere will have fewer boners, I tip my hat to you, "truly custom clothing sewing seamstress".

I swear, it jumped out in front of me!

bus1, originally uploaded by colonelryan.

I was going through my iphoto album and I found these pictures. Last autumn I was woken up one morning because my room had shaken - kind of like an earthquake. We don't get many earthquakes in Toronto, so logically I assumed it was the rapture but I was so tired that I was reluctant to even get up, even if it was the second coming. When I rolled over and looked out my window I realized that what had happened was way funnier than judgement day - a bus had hit my building. I know what you're probably thinking, why the hell would a full-sized city bus be driving through my apartment's parking lot. Well this particular bus was a short turn. For those of you who don't live in a metropolis, the short-turn bus is the public-transportation equivalent of a cock-tease: you might think it's going to take you where you want to go, but at one point or another it suddenly stops short of where you really want to be. The driver of this particular bus decided that instead of taking the extra 2 minutes to complete the loop, as the other drivers do, he'd take a quick short-cut through my apartment's parking lot. To his credit, he had a great time-saving idea, I mean, if a mini-van could do it, why couldn't a 65 foot bus? It's clear from the picture that things didn't work out the way that he had planned. I would have given anything to hear him explaining to his supervisor, who arrived soon after, what had happened, the usual excuses (they stopped suddenly, it jumped out right in front of me, I've been drinking all morning and no longer have depth-perception, etc.) just don't seem to work.

I'm sure we can just buff that right out

bus2, originally uploaded by colonelryan.

an introductory post

For some reason I feel like I'm writing a personal-ad here [not that I ever have] and I should bust out the classic "I like long moon-lit walks on the beach..", but then I figured why not just make what's probably an over-used and tired reference to it. I guess there's really not much of a point to give an introduction to myself, since what I'll want you to know about myself will come in posts-to-come. That said, I don't really know what the content of this blog will be, but suffice it to say, it'll be more of the usual, only better because it's about me. Enjoy the coming entries and give me comments and feedback whenever you feel so inclined. Cheers, Ryan.